Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

I shan't blog details here. But he died in his sleep, that was what his sister told us when we were at the family's home.

It's been a long day for me. I reached my workplace before 11am just as I promised earlier on to my boss. I didn't feel like working at all, still, there were tasks silently screaming to be settled.

I checked my email to see if the training vendor had sent the programme outline I requested from yesterday. Nothing. What a bloody disappointment. All that talk on service blueprint and fail-safe your process and now this delay. That spurred me to call up their office and create mayhem. A few minutes later I got an apology and an assurance via SMS from the person-in-charge, who happened to be in India on a business trip!

Then I met some ex-colleagues after Friday prayers. Nothing changed these fellas. They may have put on a few kilos but their mannerisms remain constant all these years. I lingered for a good 20 minutes chatting. That was when it hit on me that friends whom I pressumed 'lost contact' are there all along and it was kind of sad that death provided us the chance to meet, even though for a moment.

No one was in the office -- as is always the case on Fridays. I took that opportunity to slump in my chair and rest for a while. The aquarium screensaver next to my cubicle gave a soothing water sound and I thought it finally made its kitschy existence useful.

Dylan Thomas' poem crept in mind as I try to catch a piece of illusive internal heaven.

Jiwa Yang Tenang ...

Andi Joharri - in memoriam

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"Wahai Jiwa yang Tenang kembalilah kepada Tuhanmu dengan Hati yang Puas lagi diredhai-Nya. Maka masuklah ke dalam jamaah hamba-hamba-Ku. Dan masuklah ke dalam Jannah-Ku."

Amin.

Dark Age

I lost my O2 mini handphone on Monday and I was completely in the dark ages for 2 days. All those contact numbers, appointment dates, reminders & tasks, ideas & inspiration I jotted down out of nowhere, numbers of old army and reservist buddies, numbers of friends from previous workplace, numbers of my rakyat [nephews and nieces], family members, birthdates, work documents in that 1GB SD card and pictures, pictures - not to mention some very, very, very personal ones - now all in the hands of a stranger.

What an awful... what a sick-desperate feeling that surged in me upon realising it went missing. I nearly wanted to cry but was somehow engulfed with disbelief and utter regret. I called my handphone and someone on the other line actually answered but chose to remain cryptically silent. Have you already made up your mind to keep what is not yours?

To the taxi-driver or to the subsequent passenger after me, or whoever you are, I hope you'd do the right thing.

Normalcy Resumes

Normalcy resumes and with it all the [if I could use this word] hangover one would associate with the passing of any celebration - expended energy. This is the worst of its kind - the feeling of fatigue and listlessness.

I guess I ate way too much during the past week and now my body seems to be telling me, "You're fcuked, now, seriously, you glutton boy!"

The first thing when I'm hit with this sort of alarm, my immediate response is to swim off the lousy feeling, which I did just now after getting back from work. Most of the time a few laps in the pool work wonders to invigorate you but tonight I still feel off.

I looked at the mirror and unless you have a perception problem or denial issue - mirrors generally don't lie. Tsk... I find it hard to tone my stomach and to compound the issue I hate doing crunches, which by the way are just about the only effective exercise to target those problematic areas.

Standing in the buff in front of the mirror just now I could still see last Friday's Muthu's Curry fish head.

Though I'm generally and genetically blessed with an ok slight frame [ok according to my standard, not the standard you'd see on the cover of Mens Health shit magazine ar..] any access food I'd take nowadays do not burn fast enough.

And talk about expended energy, if I'm too tired, I'd be lounging in my room because that IS the best form of relaxation and recharge for an INTJ like me. It'd be sweeter if I could do some quality guitar practice without any interruption. Nothing heavy, just a few etudes by Tarrega for example, which I actually managed to do before doing this entry.

Just give me my above personal space and time and I'm ready for human interaction again.

Let Me Choose One For You

After dinner at Muthu's Curry we had a stroll cum conversation and M surprised me with Freud 101. I thought it was fresh and I nearly wanted to corner both her mind and mouth there and then! But I exercised restraint.

So we went to Mustafa Center because M wanted to get a bottle of perfume and I chanced on the opportunity to get rid of the curry smell on my shirt.

After about 10-15 minutes of browsing time and sampling the testers she still couldn't make up her mind. So I offered to choose for her instead. I told her not to look while I select 3 names to play it safe and that she'd have to choose one.

"No pressure," I said. She could always get that insipid Curious perfume by Britney Spears.

Lol... Dear readers, let me try this in verse, can?


Title: Awashed



I had Samsara Guerlain and So Givenchy

on my left and right wrists respectively

on my neck just below my right earlobe,

the point where I often go weak when she

whispers deep -

Sentiment Escada

give her a choice and time dalliance

and I'm awashed with dizzying rapture

letting the sweat of my skin, breaks

the molecules of scented hidden layers

of identities as she takes multiple whiffs,

and finally finds me.

At a Precipice

Where do you think you going?

A Bad Host.

This is the time where visits are made and received. While I do get a kick having my favourite friends and relatives coming to our house -- I simply can't bring the same level of enthusiasm to relatives whom I only see once a year. What do you call them -- the Hari Raya ghosts?

I can't fake it and most of the time I'd find myself retreating back to my room rather than having a chat with them. Thank goodness my parents are such friendly and gregarious folks -- they'd be the ones who hold the fort all day long in the spirit of festivity and good company. I'm not like them, really, and I've come to this realisation a long time ago. How I wish I had an ounce of that convivial gene, but alas I'm pretty much selective in who I make merry with.

In a nutshell, I don't make a good host -- in fact I suck at it.

And unlike other peeps who exude warmth and congeniality at the word go -- with me, you have to know me personally to find out that that I'm really a warm person. It's amazing how my friends still remain my friends after all these years and I really have to thank them for their understanding.

A Quickie

Selamat Hari Raya, Eid Ul Fitr, Eid Mubarak to all bloggers who happen to come this way.

Ok that's all I could afford to write for now.

In His Hands

I recall it rained on your first morning.

The skies are doing something similar now, as if to express your grief at the approach of your own departure.

I observe you but do I listen? I'd like to think that I've done what's humanly possible for me to be with you, even if it's just a tip of the iceberg and He blesses it -- I'll be glad.

It's all in His hands now.
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Mornings will never be the same without you.