One Love One Life

You live your life to the best and the fullest that you can. Now I've no idea what is the best and the fullest, because all I know is that I'm trying to survive in this world that is increasingly cruel and incomprehensible. I'm just another entity waiting for his next butterfly effect that may have already started in another part of the world. I always ask this of myself -- what is my consequence and the end of me? Though I've been evading this, I think I know -- it's probably the hardcore individualism in me -- where I'm a fierce believer in the primary importance of the individual, the virtues of self-reliance and personal independence.

I'm fed-up actually, I'm fed-up because I'm habouring too much expectations of what is the right thing to do in life - by society designs. I could admonish social norms and convention but I'm not defiant nor am I living on the periphery mind you -- I just wish I wasn't conditioned this way. That's all. That it took me so many years to realise and correct the wrongs in my life, is indeed a rather bitter thing to accept.

By the age of 12 or earlier, you're already in the system. You're expected to finish secondary school, you' re expected to finish your A levels. Then it's off to NS, then you continue with the paper chase. Bless you if you decide to go another path because chances are you already knew in your hearts of hearts what you want in life. But if you were like me, you'd have to work for a couple of years to make it out there on your own. Marriage? Lol! That's another issue altogether.

I could've just snap and went berserk in the mind, but I'm not, I can't. And sometimes I hate it when I'm in this thought process, this existential streak stupor. It's not healthy!

Sigh... A Sunday entry deserves a Sunday treatment.

I'm in the system for too long now and I've spent numerous times separating myself based on the size of my paycheck, the job that I hold, the colour of my skin, the friends that I keep, the heritage I come from, my physical shape and inner beauty and ugliness, and the God I believe in. There was a time when I viewed all these as a whole. But I guess holding on to that is impossible because if you did you might as well be a child all your lifetime. Only Death is the ultimate release. Then again that's not quite the end of the journey, is it? I shan't go there, because it's so fcuking tedious. But what I'm going to say is this -- We are all part of each other. We all come from the same place and we all go to Him when we die. How's that for creationism huh?